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6 Ways to Show a Little Self-Love

Happy Valentine’s Day / Single’s Awareness Day, blog readers! Today is all about love, although I woke up on this cold, icy NYC morning feeling like death (or at least like I had the flu). Somehow, I managed to make it to class on time despite hitting the snooze button for an hour straight (very unlike me, as I am typically an unapologetic morning person). As the day progressed, I really didn’t think about the fact it was Valentine’s Day at all (despite the fact my sweet mom sent me roses and chocolates yesterday…thanks Mom!) img_2252

However, after I got home and curled up under my electric blanket with a mug of tea, I found myself realizing that it was, in fact, almost the end of Valentine’s Day 2017. So I decided to recognize the holiday with a little reflection on self-love.

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Shout out to my besties…y’all know who y’all are! ❤

Last year was the best year of my life in so many ways, but I feel like it was perhaps only setting me up for the year that is ahead. I am so excited to the point I am almost restless for the next few months. Below I’ve made a “list of love” to share the ways I’ve practiced self-love so far in 2017. It doesn’t matter if you’re coupled or single as a pringle—today is also a day to realize you need to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else.

1- Travel! I feel so, so lucky (more so each day) that I am able to continue my traveling this year. I’ve realized over the adventures of the last few years that travel is my first love. I feel fully alive when I am somewhere I’ve never been before. I started off 2017 with a trip home to the South (which honestly feels like visiting another country sometimes) before spending 10 days in Costa Rica. Next month, I am traveling to Israel with a group from NYU Law. We had our first meeting together last night, and I can’t wait to explore with this group next month!

Then, I will be spending 10 weeks in Uganda over the summer as a human rights fellow through law school. And, I may be doing a 10 day safari in Botswana before I start! I feel so grateful to be able to continue doing what I love in the context of my career, education, and research interests.

It’s good to have a taste for traveling alone.

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A shot from last month in beautiful Mexico City. I can’t wait to be on the road again!

2- Getting off Facebook. I made the split-second decision to deactivate my Facebook account a few weeks ago. As I sat scrolling through my Newsfeed full of political posts, I realized that I missed having control of how I received information. And as much as we try to fight it, I feel like Facebook use is correlated with desensitization, as we tend to lose sight of the fact we are interacting with people, and not a computer screen, as we type out messages and send “likes” across the void. While I feel a deep despair at the state of the nation and world right now, I realized participating in the Facebook feeding frenzy was counter-productive for me. Instead of being on full emotional blast in reaction to what’s going on, I need to sustain a slow burn for the next few years. So, I deactivated Facebook for the first time since I got it 10 years ago. For the last decade, I could never have imagined life without this service that allows me to “keep in touch” with so many people, yet I haven’t missed it once. In fact, my head feels so much clearer now. And I have had a lot more time to read and write (which is maybe a bit embarrassing to admit, as it shows how much time I was really wasting on Facebook!)

3- DailyOm. DailyOm is a website that offers online journaling classes with a variety of focuses. Because I love writing so much (if you can’t tell already!), I decided to give their strategy of “focused journaling” a try through their course entitled “Heal Yourself With Writing.” The course centers on self-discovery and empowerment by writing and remembering the past from various perspectives. The course starts off with a Native American parable about a man who says he feels he has two wolves fighting in his heart—one vengeful and angry, and the other loving and compassionate. The man admits that the wolf who wins will be the wolf that he feeds, and he chooses which one is fed.

I’ve found the approach to remembering, refocusing, and writing to be transformational, and I am just a few weeks in. Whether it’s writing, meditation, or another mechanism, I would encourage everyone to take some time for self-reflection now—especially as the world seems to spiral into chaos around us.

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The new website I have replaced Facebook with!

4- A fresh approach to law school. The first semester of law school really was a blur to me. I hate to admit this, but I feel like I just showed up and went along for the ride when I returned from traveling back in August. I don’t think I got enough out of this education I am investing so dearly in last semester. This semester, I feel not only more focused, but more knowledgeable about what I need to do to get the most out of law school. For me, that means 1-handwriting all notes (no computer!), 2- hitting the library everyday (no more going home early, chilling, and getting distracted!), and 3- briefing all my cases (I didn’t think it was worth it last semester, but I’ve changed my mind).

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A nice snowy day recently at NYU. I feel a lot more grounded and connected to school this semester, and I am happy I get to come here everyday.

5- Be careful who you prioritize. As Maya Angelou once said, “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” The corollary, I think, would be to be sure to prioritize those people who are important to you so they never have to guess if they are priorities or options. I think this applies to all levels and forms of relationships—friends, family, and dating. For some reason, acting on this lesson of prioritization has become a “priority” for me in the last few months (for lack of a better term!). Not only am I trying to be more discerning about the level of importance I give people in my mind, schedule, and heart, but I am trying to be more intentional in staying connected in certain relationships and establishing firm boundaries in others. After all, if you don’t guard your heart, who will?

6- Take a lot of walks. Those of you who know me well know I used to be adamant about running almost everyday. These days, I like to take walks around Bushwick just about every night. I use this time to think, listen to music, and call friends. There is something about forward motion that’s freeing, no matter what speed you’re going. I surprisingly don’t miss running at all, and that’s ok–there’s a time in life for everything!  I love wandering around, both in big ways (see #1) and small ways (walking around Bushwick). And, it helps me accomplish #5 (staying in touch with friends).

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A pink Bushwick sky

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all! Hope you’re feeling the love, inside and out! Xoxoxo

Echo Chambers in the Age of Trump

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I live in two Americas. I am a daughter of the South but a citizen of New York City. In the last two days, the divide that exists in this country has ripped open even further, and I have found myself struggling with the national cognitive dissonance I am observing playing out on Facebook and other social media. The realization hit me yesterday (like a load of bricks) that I uniquely have a foot in both worlds. Many people can open Facebook and see only the views that “echo” their own playing out across their Newsfeed. I see views from both rural and urban America, views I agree with and disagree with. I recognize now that is a special position not shared by many of my friends in both worlds. I also take personal responsibility for not engaging those who don’t share my views more.

Whether you are a member of my right-leaning or left-leaning sphere, I want to ask that you keep an open mind not only as you read this post, but as you work to unify our country. As you read this post, please just assume that those who do not share your political beliefs are not inherently bad, just for the sake of argument.

In full disclosure, I enthusiastically supported Hillary Clinton, but I also truly believe we all need to listen to President Obama’s call for unity. For all of our sakes, I am praying that President-elect Trump is not the hateful, prejudiced, loose-lipped, undisciplined, ignorant leader that so many of us genuinely fear he will be. His words, actions, and beliefs have already affected the faith many of us have in this country in the last few days. If you supported Trump, I ask that you please not shut down after reading that. Please know I am not trying to “win an argument” with you. Please know that, from what I am reading on Facebook, many of you out there are truly not aware how genuinely afraid people of color, religious minorities, LGBT people, and victims of disease and violence are right now. I simply want to make you aware. Please accept this assertion as true.

Trump’s views really upset me in a visceral, I-feel-sick-in-my-stomach way. That being said, I want to point out to those of you in my left-leaning sphere that most Trump supporters I know are not racist, misogynist xenophobes. My struggle in the last 48 hours has been dealing with this disconnect—how can people I love and care about condone the beliefs and political platform that embolden actual racist, misogynist xenophobes who are out there? I ask this honestly and respectfully, without trying to provoke or denigrate anyone. We all as people are broken, but not irredeemable.

One realization I have come to is that many people overlooked these horrific qualities because they truly believe that the election of Trump will directly lead to millions of lives saved because of his stance on abortion. Please do not roll your eyes or laugh…that will get us nowhere. Please, for the sake of argument, try to understand where these voters are coming from. In full disclosure, I am pro-choice (my personal views are best expressed here). But please know that many people truly believe abortion is murder and that Trump will appoint Supreme Court justices that will overturn Roe v. Wade. I think these voters don’t realize that Roe was decided by a conservative court, yet they are putting their hopes about this issue in this basket. Also, it doesn’t matter that Trump used to be pro-choice and (somewhat conveniently) changed his mind to get Republican votes. To these voters, President Trump = saved lives. If you have these deeply held beliefs about abortion, it is hard to let any other issue sway you.

That being said, the fear that Trump’s message is causing is real. I can’t tell you how many Facebook statuses I have seen from privileged white men in the South (who are my friends) that talk about how happy they are that that the election is over, that life will go on as normal, and that the dramatic social media posts will soon stop. I love y’all as people, but y’all are speaking from a place of privilege. Speaking from my own position as a female, I have felt particularly devalued in this election and by the outcome Tuesday night. I also humbly admit I don’t know what it feels like to be a person of color right now in a country that elected a KKK-endorsed president 8 years after it elected its first black president, but it really, really upsets me that it happened. What I do know is that we all need to recognize that this election really is unlike anything we have seen in our (millennial) lifetimes. We need to commit to protecting one another as there are so many unknowns with what’s to come in the next 4 years.

I am still soul-searching and grappling with what this election means for our country and for me personally. One solid conclusion I do have is that we all need to listen to each other. Safe spaces are important. It is important for someone who is passionately pro-life to have a place they can talk about their views and not be made fun of. You will find this in many churches in the South. I grew up in the church, and you will find many good people there, despite what the election Tuesday may make you believe. It is also important to have a community where you can express how afraid this election has made you feel, because you are a woman, a person of color, a minority, or a white man who cares about these groups, without being made fun of. I have found this community at NYU Law and among many friends from both NYC and back home in the South, and I am so grateful for this.

Safe spaces are important, but we all need to make sure we are stepping out of our own echo chambers. Trump is our president-elect, but we can all still reject racism, xenophobia, and misogyny. I want people in both my “worlds” to know that I am here to engage with you in a non-judgmental way. We all have to stop writing each other off just because we don’t share the same political beliefs.

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